Fun fact: I had to lie down after writing that title.
So I have fibromyalgia. I may write a proper post on this at some stage, but tonight I’m too tired. Because that’s what fibro, or FM, does to you. You have chronic pain, and frequent bouts of acute pain on top of it, and it all makes you very tired. I’ve lived with the chronic pain for as long as I can remember (which is age 12), but the complete exhaustion’s only really been bad in the last few years. Right now it’s quite a bit of effort to hold my head up and not just lie back down on the bed where I’m writing this.
It’s hard to know what, or how much, to share. People don’t really favourably on others discussing medical problems. Think of all the jokes about older women talking about their corns, or their bowel operations, in excruciating detail. But I’m someone who lives fairly out of the closet, and who talks about a lot of things. I doubt there’s anyone who knows me at all, or who’s spoken with me for more than ten minutes together, who doesn’t know that I’m queer. And, for better or for worse, fibro is part of my identity now.
And I’m also someone who is firmly in favour of communication. I knew I wanted to be a writer when I was in primary school, and I first started blogging in late high school (2000). I sometimes work things out by writing or talking about them.
But I also believe that communication is necessary for any relationship, and that includes friendships. And, I suppose, blog writer–reader relationships. And the truth is, I’m not as reliable as I used to be. I can be really excited about coming over to help you move house, but on the day realise that I’m not capable of that at all, and instead spend the time on the couch catching up on The Big Bang Theory. (Not that that is an example from my life, or anything.) Or I’m meant to go to a friend’s house for dinner, but I’m in too much pain, so instead I spend an evening in bed, wishing I could fall asleep, and playing another stupid game on my tablet because I have too much “fibro fog” to read or do anything sensible. (Another fun symptom of fibro is feeling like your head’s been filled with cotton wool.)
So although I have all these posts planned, and even made sure to get some photos of the Parfait I made my girlfriend for her birthday in December, I’m not writing those tonight. I might as well mention that I’ve started another sewing project – turning a wrap skirt into a pencil skirt. I’m halfway through that, but I’ve been busy each night this week, so I haven’t touched it since the weekend. Here’s a process photo to tide you over: I’ve already cut the new skirt pieces from the old skirt.
I’m just going to leave this there. I have a lot more to say on this topic, but no more energy to expend, I’m afraid.